I know I should be using my skills as a writer to spread knowledge. I am drawn to information about health, equality, progress, kindness, science and happiness, and am passionate about sharing it with anyone willing to listen.
There’s no excuse for isolating myself from the real problems of the world, and getting lost in the musings and ego of my own creation. How selfish. How impractical. Aren’t there plenty of great storytellers out there already? I should be saving the world – not pretending I live in a fictitious one.
But I’ll tell you a secret. I want to be shut in a room and told to write something fantastic and entertaining; no coming out until I do. Meals will be delivered by a vegetarian chef who has taken a vow of silence. Music is allowed, but no Netflix. Internet use will be restricted to quick searches for writing purposes only. Writers get time in the yard for cardio exercise and a yoga mat will be available from 5 to 6pm.
A younger me wrote creatively all the time. Now and then, she produced something decent (I had to muster the courage to look). A younger me did not associate writing with money or time management. I had endless hours to “get in the headspace” and stop judging every stupid idea. A younger me did not have Facebook or a tweeting schedule. A younger me did not have a two year-old.
I have friends who write creatively on a regular basis, and I both envy and admire them. Not that I would trade my life and its daily responsibilities. Not at all. But when I made the decision to get a degree in creative writing is was to let myself feel and imagine. How could I know how hard that would become? Anyone who can do that, and continue to love it, is a rockstar.
There is an epic story in me somewhere. I’ve been thinking about it for years. Details and themes have changed over time, but much of the core remains, and I think it could be good. While I might not waltz my way into the trinity referenced above, the whim and fancy that have driven me since childhood might just find a way.
Here’s hoping that simmering through gradual onset adulthood is a trick for making creativity worthwhile.